Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Road Trip
Hello My Friends! Long time no see, I know. I am truly sorry for my absence, as I have missed connecting with you. I promise I have not forgotten you and would like to invite you to take a little road trip with me. I am still writing and while I will continue posting here, I invite you to also visit it me over at the Examiner.com where I've been honored with a life coaching column. Please do pop on over and say "hi!"
Love and Peace to you all!!
Posted by Pam at 2:28:18 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Be Your Own Cake
All the cool stuff you need to feel good about who you are rests inside of you. Time to be your own cake so that someone else's kind words are the icing. - Heart Messages
We all have the amazing capacity to increase our own self worth or self-esteem, to get to a place where we are able to stand up right on our own two feet emotionally. Knowing that and actually feeling worthy or good about ourselves is a whole different kettle of fish. The fact is, as important as validation from others may be, if we don't feel good about who we are, no amount of kind words will give us that long-lasting feeling of positive self worth. Sadly, without that positive self worth, the effects of kind words, loving compliments, and positive feedback are fleeting.
By now you may be asking, "So what can I do to increase my levels of self-esteem or self worth? " While the answer may take some time to appear, here are a few thoughts and suggestions to help increase the levels:
1. Stop the self-deprecating talk. Negative self talk, put downs, and disparaging remarks at one's own expense does nothing more than lower self-esteem and self worth. Even when comments are made in jest, at a subconscious level they are doing a number on you as a person. Make a commitment over a period of 21 days to say nothing negative about yourself to yourself or anyone else. A great way to keep yourself accountable is to buy a rubber bracelet and place it on your wrist. The objective is to keep the bracelet on that same wrist for 21 days straight. Here's the kicker, if at any time negative self talk rears it's head, you must remove the bracelet from your one wrist and place it on the other, starting all over from Day 1 until you can reach Day 21 without moving the bracelet.
2. Get plenty of rest and recharge. It is so easy for negativity to creep in when we are feeling run down. Make sure to get a good night's sleep, schedule in some downtime for yourself to relax, or meditate for 10 minutes each day. You'll be amazed at what even 10 minutes of recharge can do for your mental well-being.
3. Celebrate the wins. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day so much so that we often forget to celebrate even the smallest of victories. Capture those wins in a pocket size notebook and read them to yourself, acknowledging your efforts.
4. Get a different perspective on you. Ask close friends and family to provide you with positive feedback, sharing with you positive words that they feel describe you. Capture those words in notebook and read them daily.
5. Get creative and come up with some powerful affirmations. For example, "I am smart, beautiful, and loveable." Remember, in order for affirmations to be effective they MUST be in the present tense. Be sure to read your affirmations once in the morning as you are waking up and once at night as your going to sleep.
Whatever strategy you develop for increasing your self-esteem or self worth, just know you truly are the cake and everyone else's positive thoughts of you are the icing!
Posted by Pam at 3:41:18 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (3)
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Getting Into the P-Squared Groove
This past weekend I was reminded that the best way to combat those "out of sorts" feelings is to play and get really present (in the here and now present). When we can cut loose, have some fun, laugh, and get silly coupled with thinking of only what's in front of us we begin to feel better. Why? Because we are taking the time to connect with ourselves, with our hearts, and better yet, with our child-side. In doing so we...
regain a connected feeling
get out our heads where ego resides
gain more energy
see the positive potential that is surrounding us
start to go with the flow
create the means to look at life, issues, situations, etc. from a different (maybe even clearer) perspective
and quite simply relax and have fun.
So when you are feeling out of sorts, give the following a try:
1) Deep breathing - four deep breathes; inhale through your nose to a count of four and exhale out your mouth to a count of four.
2) Crank up your favorite tunes and just listen (if you feel compelled to dance, all the better).
3) Grab a funny movie.
4) Read or tell some jokes.
5) Have a light and frothy (a.k.a fun conversation) with a good friend.
6) Play a game with your kids, i.e. Monopoly, cards.
7) Go to the park and swing on the swing set.
Whatever helps you get into the P-Squared Groove (Play and Present) just enjoy, let go, and be YOU!
Posted by Pam at 9:01:31 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Springing Into Action
It's official, Spring is here; which means that flowers are blooming, trees are sprouting leaves, little baby bunnies are hopping around, and in my neck of the woods baby quail are crossing streets in a nice single file line. Spring means new beginnings, fresh starts, and beautiful color. With the lovely weather and beautiful newness of it all I would like to encourage to create some of your own beginnings and fresh starts.
However you decide to acknowlegde this amazing season, the time is now to Spring into action. Enjoy! Grow! Rejuvenate! Happy Spring, Everyone!!
Posted by Pam at 7:29:58 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Monday, March 09, 2009
It's "Make Someone Smile" Week
I'm declaring it "Make Someone Smile" Week. Who am I to do that? Just a woman, but dontcha think it would be kind fun to knowingly walk around with the intention of making others smile? What a great way to raise your own positive vibe as well as the positive vibe of others. Besides, it's hard not to smile yourself when you are consciously making another smile.
So here are some tips for how to bring about a few smiles...feel free to use them, tweak them, add to them or come up with you own. :)
1) Share a sincere compliment
2) Share a hug
3) Tell a good joke
4) Just smile at someone for the sake of smiling
5) Make a funny face
6) Break out into a song and dance
7) Whistle the theme song from the Pink Panther
8) Honor someone with a Remarkable Tribute
Have a blast!
Peace, Love and Major Smiles to you!
Posted by Pam at 5:19:24 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (4)
Monday, March 02, 2009
What Makes Your Heart Sing?
I have a request...think for just a moment about the last time you used any of the following phrases:
I should do or be
I need to
I ought to be
I am supposed to
I must
As you're thinking about that last time or even just reading those phrases how are you feeling? Are you feeling empowered and ready to go? OR Are you feeling a knot in the pit of your stomach or feelings of dread? If phrases like that empower you, kudos to you! (And I truly mean that.) I have to be honest and share that those phrases make my blood run cold. They make me want to run screaming for the hills.
Why?
It's simple really. Those phrases have always been associated with a demand or an imposed goal; something someone else said I should be, must do, supposed to, or need to, not something I want to, wish to, or desire to be. It's phrases like that that squish my spirit, stifle who I am at my core because they are usually followed by "tasks" that just don't fit me or make my heart sing. So let me ask you, what would your day, your world, and/or your life be like if you did what made your heart sing? What would it feel like if you never fell prey to those phrases ever again? Take a moment and imagine it.
I challenge you starting today to do things that energize you and that truly make your heart sing. If you have always wanted to take voice lessons, but didn't because someone said you should be doing something else, then take those voice lessons. If you have always wanted to try bungee jumping, but your want was cancelled out by someone else's limiting beliefs, then I encourage you to take a chance and do that jump. If you have always wanted to explore your creative side, but instead squashed that creative side because you were told you were supposed to be doing something else, then by all means, tap into those creative juices.
You don't do yourself or anyone else any favors by not allowing your heart to truly sing. There is no time like the present and I can promise you, you won't be sorry you did.
Posted by Pam at 5:09:27 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Acknowledge YOU Because YOU'RE Worth It!
As some of you may know I teach an Acknowledgement course for a coach training organization. In teaching this course it has really got me thinking about how we so rarely take the time to acknowledge our own selves for a job well done.
Think about it. When was the last time you did something where you took a moment and said to yourself, "Job well done! Way to go!!"?
The more I teach this class, the more students, clients, and friends I talk to, the more I find that we don't take the time. What we often do is get the job done and move onto the next job at hand. Sound familar?
So your challenge over the next week, if you choose to accept it, is to acknowledge yourself for the small, medium, and large wins, for the jobs you have completed, the tasks you have checked off your to-do lists, and most importantly, for just being YOU! You're worth the acknowledgment!
Have an awesome week and have fun acknowledging.
Posted by Pam at 3:52:39 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Monday, December 22, 2008
Time to Celebrate! Wooooohoooooo!!!
Hello, dear friends and wonderful readers!
The holidays are a time to celebrate; to celebrate family, a new year, traditions both family and religious. No matter what your celebrations include it is my wish that they include one very special celebration, the celebration of YOU!! It is my sincerest request that you take time to celebrate you, for all that you are and all that you have done this past year.
Celebrating you does not have to cost an arm and a leg. It can be as simple as taking 30 minutes of quiet time to soak in a tub or read a book. It could be enjoying that piece of chocolate cake, buying yourself a CD, writing yourself a "thank you" note. Whatever the act of celebrating you choose, I hope you enjoy soaking it in. You deserve to be celebrated.
So now I raise my glass (errr...cup of coffee) to you in celebration!!
May 2009 be YOUR best year ever!!
Happy Holidays, Peace and Love,
Pam
Posted by Pam at 3:06:50 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Challenges; Greet or Scream?
So how do you greet a challenge or a challenging person, for that matter? Do you curse? Do scream "NO!" really loud? Do you moan a lot? What do you do?
I used to scream at challenges (not challenging people) and I used to moan, as well as complain a lot. I would do so because I thought it would make me feel better. Oh, and believe me, it did, but only for a short while.
Well, I recently had an "a-ha" moment regarding challenges and challenging people which I would love to pass along to you...
Now when a challenge or a challenging person comes up on my radar screen I look at it as a chance for learning and growth. Rather than moan loudly, complain, kick my feet, I now ask myself, "What am I meant to learn from this situation or this person?"
Let me tell you friends, even if an answer does not come right away, it takes the edge off and puts me in a better frame of mind to push on through. By asking that question I am no longer giving my power over to the challenge or the challenging person and I can't tell you the difference it has made (i.e. more peace, confidence, clarity, and less stress).
So the next time you are faced with a challenge or a challenging person, rather than scream at it, try greeting it with, "What am I meant to learn?"
Have a great weekend!
Peace and Love,
Pam
P.S. Some food for thought: The Universe only puts in our path the things we are meant to master. Once we have mastered them, they are less likely to appear.
Posted by Pam at 2:15:10 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (3)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
The Power of Intentions
I recently got my hands on a great book by Rich Gorman and Robin Hoch called Living the Law of Attraction: Real Stories of People Manifesting Health, Wealth, and Happiness
Without further hesitation last Friday I set the following intentions;
Personal Intention: I intend to have fun and share fun today, and to be in a place of joy and peacefulness.
Intention for Others: I intend great joy and happiness for all my loved ones, friends, colleagues, clients, and readers.
I set the intention, which in turn created awareness (remember from awareness comes choice), and then I chose to do things and approach my day from a very joyful place. And guess what? I'll be damned if I didn't have a super fun day, filled with joy and peacefulness. So now I plan to do this little exercise every day; looking forward to utilizing the power of intention in a wonderfully fun and profound way.
I hope you will join me in the fun of setting daily intentions! What intentions can you set for yourself and others? Give it whirl, it won't cost you any money, just five minutes of your time each day.
Posted by Pam at 6:11:50 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (2)
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Give the Gift that Keeps on Giving: YOU!
Just recently I gave a presentation to a group of dynamic women. As I was listening to their introductions it struck me just how much transition, stress, and even pain was in the room. Some of these amazing women were really reaching out for a life line and a way to make things better. Now normally I start my presentations with a bit of background, i.e. my certification as a coach, etc., but this time was much different. This time, as I stood in front of the group I felt the compelling urge to share in their pain by sharing my own personal story.I shared how seven years ago my world completely changed, actually, it pretty much fell apart. I was in the midst of a divorce, getting adjusted to being a single mom, not making ends meet financially and so I was living off of credit cards to ensure my son and I had food on the table. The situation looked and felt grim at best and I was really floundering. (You know it's true that during times of stress and strive, it is so easy to get caught up in the fear of it all and to lose sight of who we are and what we want.)
While I wouldn't wish those circumstances on anyone, I'm not sorry that I experienced the stress, fear, and even the pain. To be honest, it was the kick in the pants that I really needed. It was at that pivotal moment when I knew something had to change. I had to change. In order to do so I really had to do some soul searching and find out who I was at my very core. What's funny, at the time I didn't realize how not knowing me was contributing to all the turmoil. It wasn't until I started coaching and working with a coach that the penny dropped.
Today, I'm in a place that's HUGELY different to where I was seven years ago. No more living off credit cards, no more struggling, not as much fear, very little pain and stress. I have more confidence in myself and my abilities, and deeper trust/faith in knowing that I can be, do, and have the things I want as long as whatever it is, is completely in alignment with who I am. I'm living proof that life can and does turn around for the better.
If anything I have shared sounds familar to you then please consider getting to know who you are at your very core. Take some time to explore you. Make that commitment to yourself, because you deserve to have the best. In turn, I am making the commitment to support as many people as I can to really connect with who they are, to feel more confident, to eradicate the fears, to be the very best they can be in this New Year.
With that said, I'm offering another group coaching program beginning in January (for more information, please visit willtherealu.com). I made an announcement on the site that if folks sign up by December 1st they can register for a discounted rate of $495.00 for the four month program, which is a savings of $165 (the equivalent of one free month). However, I would like to offer the following; for the first 12 people to complete the application by November 19th, I will offer them the entire program for $250.00 (a savings of $410 for the entire program) as my holiday gift. In addition, I will be awarding scholarships to two people.
Participants will receive the following:
- Two, one hour group coaching sessions per month via phone
- One, 45 minute individual coaching session per month via phone
- A monthly buddy call with another participant in the program
- The e-workbook series Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward
- Access to a private online area where you can interact with other group participants in between calls
Some benefits for participating...
*Group support and encouragement
*Connection with liked-minded people.
*Safe, confidential space to share and grow
*When you strengthen your inner self, stress and tolerations are dramatically reduced
*Changes from the inside out
*More peace and balance
*Awareness and clarity around who you are and what you want
*Accountability
Space is limited to 10 people per session so if you are interested, apply today.
Together, we can make things happen. Together we can end the stress, the pain, and the transition.
Posted by Pam at 3:12:43 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Plugging Into That High Voltage Energy
I don't know about you, but all the negativity surrounding the current state of affairs (i.e. the economy and the election) is enough to drive me bonkers and become a real energy drain. Yesterday was the first day in a really long time that I felt the heaviness to the degree where I wanted to throw up my hands and scream, "Screw it (OK, so I was thinking of something a bit more colorful, but this is a family show), I'm done!" (Not done as in ending it all, just done with all the crap.) Instead of running down the street screaming like a banji I decided it was time to get the ol' energy flowing on high again.
When times are tough and feel heavy beyond measure, one of the worst things we can do is to tap into the negativity. Tapping into the negativity is not only a real energy drain, but it supports the creation of more negativity. So during those times it is important to unplug from the negative charge and plug into some high voltage energy. I know, I know, it's easier said then done, but I promise you it is possible (and I don't make promises lightly, my friends.)
Case in point; yesterday when the heaviness was creeping in, I did a few things that helped to lighten the mood and increase my energy (not necessarily in the following order);
1) I didn't try and stuff my feelings in the bottom of my sock drawer. I felt them through, said "hello" to them and acknowledged their presence.
2) I got present and out of the land of the "what ifs" (which is located in the future). I did so by taking stock of the things surrounding me, reminding myself that in that present moment I was a-OK.
3) I played some music.
4) I rested when I needed to.
5) I spoke with a dear friend and had some good laughs. (Thank you, Jon.)
6) I avoided negative and heavy conversations.
7) I listened to some more music (my son's marching band) while sitting outside, enjoying the nice fall weather. The breeze blowing in my face and through my hair, watching my son, and the fun music was a great pick me up.
8) I wrote and got some important thoughts down in my journal.
9) I hugged my son (multiple times).
10) I watched some comedy and laughed some more.
My dear friends, it is time to unplug from all the negative and plug into some of the good stuff. What brings you joy? What lifts you up? What gives you a positive charge? When you feel the energy draining and your mood going South stop and tap into the things that make you laugh, that spur feelings of love, that pull you into the present moment. There is nothing like plugging into some high voltage fun to get your energy levels up; charging with positive energy is better than charging with negative energy any day of the week.
Posted by Pam at 12:58:00 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (2)
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Hostage NO More
Today's the day when we work on releasing ourselves from other people's thoughts and perceptions. Yep, that's right!
Let me explain by sharing a little story....
During my coach training (many moons ago) I was sitting in class with a group of my colleagues where the topic of conversation was about what other people think of us. The room was an absolute buzz, almost chaotic; it was clear that we were all very much hooked by the fear of what other people thought of us as people and as coaches. All of the sudden, the faculty leader softly said, "It's none of your business what other people think of you." The room fell silent and then this internal dialogue began to play in my head;
"What!?"
"What do you mean it's none of my business what other people think of me?"
"Ummm...I have made it my business my entire life."
:::::Enter the cosmic 2x4, whacking Pam upside the head::::
It was at that moment that I had one of the hugest "a-ha moments" of my life. I was living my life as a hostage to other people's thoughts. I was not moving forward as quickly because I was scared to death of what other people might think of me. It then occurred to me (in DUH-Like fashion -- visualize me slapping my forehead) that I have absolutely no control over what other people think. The only control I have is over me, how I show up, and how I choose to respond to other people.
End of story...
So my friends I will say this to you, if you struggle with the same fear of what other people think of you it really is none of your business... and I will add, but it is your business what you think of you!!
It is my request that you consider ways to increase your own perception of you (if you haven't done so already). What do you need to support you in building up your own self worth and confidence in who you are?
Have a great weekend!!
Posted by Pam at 3:01:36 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (2)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Beating the Hard Times With a Positively Smashing 2x4
For those of you who know me, you know that I am not much into beatings with a metaphoric 2x4. One of the only purposes (IMHO) a metaphoric 2x4 serves is to inflict further injury or self deprecation. HOWEVER, I have found a more positive purpose for the 2x4; use it to smack the living daylights out of negativity during what might be considered hard times. Let's face it folks, you and I both know that we could easily become bloody pulps, as there is so much negativity in the air right now (particularly the news), not to mention fear and desperation.
So my dear readers and friends, I would like to encourage you try some of the following positive 2x4 swinging techniques to beat the crap out of any negativity that may be looming (and to protect yourself):
1. Smile big and smile often. There is this great quote, "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." I did that all day yesterday, every where I went I just smiled. It was great to see the looks and even get smiles back.
2. Cop that attitude of gratitude. If you are feeling on the verge of negativity, stop whatever it is you are doing and start thanking the Universe for all the good that's surrounding you, everything you have in your life right now that is awesome and positive. ("Thank you for my health" OR "I am so grateful for my family and friends.")
3. Bury your head in the sand. No, I'm not talking about avoiding reality. What I am talking about is choosing the news to read and watch wisely. Getting caught up in all the garbage and subjecting yourself to a constant barage of dark news is not going to help raise your energy level or keep you positive. So keep the negative news to a minimum.
4. Avoid negative conversations. As an example, at the gym people were talking (or complaining) about the bail out bill so rather than engage, I chose to disengage and involve myself in another conversation. Just like with your news, choose your conversations wisely. Try to engage in conversations that give you energy rather than take it away.
5. Come from a place of love and peace. Just because others might be rude or even inconsiderate (read; cut you off in traffic, exhibit signs of "it's all about me" syndrome, etc.) that doesn't mean you have to follow suit. Try doing the exact opposite, i.e. let someone merge in front of you in traffic, ask another person how they are and really mean it; you might be surprised by the outcome and how it makes you feel.
6. Keep breathing! When negativity is bearing down we often forget to keep breathing; our breathing becomes shallow and faster. Try breathing in and out deeply three times.
7. Acknowledge someone sincerely for something they did or because of who they are. Not only will the act of acknowledging put a smile on someone's face or make them stand up straighter, but it will support your efforts to remain in a positive frame of mind.
8. Have fun and laugh a lot. Need I say more?
Lets not let what is happening in our world today bring us down. Join me in swinging that 2x4 not at ourselves, but at the negativity. Ready? On your mark, get set, swing!
Posted by Pam at 6:30:40 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Your Well-Being Can't Be Found in a Pouch of Instant
We live in a world where instant gratification and instant results seems to be a theme; instant (or near instant) weight loss, instant meals, instant answers, you name it. What happened to taking some things slowly, putting in the effort, and exploring? Please don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing the "instant" industry or anyone who partakes in it; sometimes I like to get instant results too, however, what I have come to realize, instant answers are not always the right answers especially when it comes to our emotional and mental well-being.
Why aren't instant answers the way to go?
Sometimes those instant answers only deal with the symptoms, providing us with temporary relief. Think about it, in order to kill a weed for good you have to get to the roots, or the source. If you just pull the weed and leave the roots, guess what? The weed comes back. The same holds true with the issues that often rear their heads on the emotional and mental well-being front. Getting to the source of any issue, whether it is fear, limiting beliefs or tolerations sometimes takes time, but most importantly it takes awareness as to what is causing those issues.
Awareness really is key and if we are zooming along trying to find that "quick fix" we may miss out on the signs that lead to the awareness we need in order to find the long-lasting answers. So the next time you're in the mood for a "quick fix" to one of life's more complex issues, please take the time to ask yourself the following, "Would I benefit more from temporary relief or long-term relief?" 
Please never discount the fact that you are worth making the effort. Take time to explore and look for the source rather than grab for the "latest and greatest" instant solution. Leave the instant to coffee, tea, and even fast food, but not your mental and emotional well-being.
Posted by Pam at 2:06:39 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sunday, September 07, 2008
What Do YOU Choose?
My friends, let me ask you something, do you find that you sometimes take on someone else's...
...bad mood?
...insecurities?
...anger?
...hatred?
...fear?
If you answered "yes" to any of the options it may be time to take stock in the energy that you are sharing with the world. Remember, my friends, as harsh as this may sound like attracts like. If you are a fan of the Law of Attraction you will recall that our own energy levels (vibrations) attract similar energy levels (vibrations). Which means that if you are thinking and feeling negatively, there is a good chance that more negative vibes will come your way. Sounds pretty rotten doesn't it?
Well, guess what? There is good news!
The good news is, you have a choice. You can choice the energy level you wish to operate from and you can choose not to allow others' emotional messes to become your mess. I was reminded of this last night as I was reading the awesome book Feel It Real!: A Guided Approach to Bringing the Law of Attraction into Your Life
In the book the author Denise Coates shares a powerful story about a man full of hatred who traveled to see Buddha. When he met Buddha, rather than share kindness and love, he chose to curse, swear, and call Buddha names. Never once did Buddha fall prey to the man's hateful behavior. Seeing that his behavior was having no impact upon Buddha, the hateful man grew weary. Buddha turned to the man and asked him, "If a man brings me a gift and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" The man responded by saying that the gift belonged to the gift giver. To which Buddha replied, "Then if you come to me with a gift of hatred and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the hatred belong?" With that the man realized that his hatred only belonged to him and no one else.
So the next time you find yourself taking on someone else's mess, ask yourself the following,
"Do I choose to accept or refuse this gift?"
and
"Do I choose to come from a place of love and positivity or a place of sadness and negativity?"
From awareness comes choice. The choice really is YOURS!
Posted by Pam at 10:50:02 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Monday, September 01, 2008
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda
"I should ..."
"I would have ..."
"I could have ..."
Does the beginning of those three sentences sound familiar?
Let me flesh them out a bit more in case you don't recognize them.
"I should lose weight."
"I would have lost weight a long time ago if only I had the will power."
"I could have lost weight if I had the money to join a gym."
What do you think now?
I'm going to let you in on a little secret; they are really familiar to me, like an old pair of shoes two sizes too small. I used to shoulda, woulda, coulda all over myself all the time when it came to goals and intentions. As a matter of fact, I still catch myself doing so every once in awhile. When it comes to goals and intentions, believe it or not, the shoulda, woulda, couldas serve a valuable purpose; they are great little indicators as to how important what we are trying to achieve is to us personally. Yep, that's right, they are our own little pocket gauges but sadly we don't use them as such. We often use them as the proverbial 2x4 upside the head. OUCH! A means to make us feel wronged or worse, feel like failures.
So I'd like to ask you to do me a HUGE favor right here, right now (it's a three part favor, by the way). The first part of the favor is to step away from the 2x4, put it away, shred it in the wood shredder, burn it on a bonfire. Do whatever you need to do, just get rid of it. The next thing I would like to request is that you become aware of your shoulda, woulda, coulda vernacular. And the last part of the favor is, if you are shoulda, woulda, coulda-ing all over yourself, please ask yourself one of the following questions;
- "On a scale of 1-10 (one being a low score) how important is this goal to me?"
If your response is a 5 or less, please be honest with yourself, how likely are you to carry out whatever it is you are shoulda, woulda, coulda-ing yourself over? Things that score low on the importance scale also score low on the priority scale and are more likely to be placed on the backburner, in the back of the closet, or stuffed in the back of our minds.
- "Is this something I wish to do or something someone said I should do?"
Let's face it, when we are trying to accomplish a goal that is someone else's and not our own, we are less likely to see it through to fruition. Why? Because it's not ours. It is not in alignment with who we are and our core values.
- "How will this serve me in being my best self?"
If your answer is,"It won't" then please reconsider your reasonings for trying to take action on a goal that will not serve you.
Here is to using the shoulda, woulda, couldas as goal setting success tools, (as opposed to the opposite) until you don't need them anymore.
Posted by Pam at 4:56:37 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
What Does It Take? A Healthy Relationship Meter
Relationships are funny little creatures and in taking stock of some of my own I have discovered something; in order to have healthy relationships (friendship, romantic, business) the following things should be present (for me); they make up my healthy relationship meter:
1) The ability and space to be who you are. If you have to be someone you're not, that creates room for games, feelings of disconnect with one's own self (the "Who Am I Being? Syndrome"), hurt, embarrassment, and possibly the loss of integrity.
Some signs to look out for: Saying and doing things that you would not normally say and do, a feeling of uneasiness, always questioning yourself in the relationship.
How genuine is the relationship going to be out of the gate if either person is showing up as someone they're not?
2) Room to grow and the support to do so; no shackles or tethers. As we go through life we learn and as a result we grow. Growth is a good thing!
Some signs to look out for: Criticism and put-downs from the other person, especially during times of growth and positive change. Increased signs of insecurity from your partner and the need for continual reassurance that they are OK in your eyes.
3) No emotional games allowed. There is never a winner in an emotional game.
Some signs to look out for: Emotional blackmail ("If you loved me you would..."), a constant push and pull (pushing you away and then pulling you in when a distance has been created).
4) Equal balance of give and take. When there is an imbalance one person always walks away feeling depleted, used, or unimportant.
Some signs to look out for: Your partner, friend, or colleague spends most of their time focusing on themselves in almost every conversation (self obsessed or self absorbed behavior); one person is putting in most of the effort to make the relationship work. Having to constantly hold your partner/friend/colleague upright emotionally. Feeling completely drained after a conversation.
5) Direct and open communication. No person is a mind-reader so it is important to be able to constructively communicate wants, dislikes, expectations, etc.
Some signs to look out for: An applied assumption that you should always know what your partner/friend/colleague wants, increased resentment, and frustration.
6) Mutual respect. Without mutual respect lines get crossed and feelings get hurt.
Some signs to look out for: The crossing of personal boundaries, exhibiting behavior that is belittling, embarrassing, and at the expense of the other person.
Healthy relationships take two people who are equally committed to the relationship and being the best they can be. So what's your meter for determining whether you are engaging in healthy relationships?
Posted by Pam at 6:09:45 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Ask and You Will Receive
Every once in a while I get a major brain cramp which leads to writer’s block. Today was no exception. As I sat here with my cup of coffee in hand asking myself, "OK, what do I want to write about?", nothing came to mind. Then I remembered, I have these beautiful cards created by Sonia Choquette and when I am lacking creative juices it sometimes helps to pull a card.
The first card I pulled was the Pray card and as I read the description of the card I thought, "What wisdom could I possibly share about praying?" So I pulled another card; the Call on Your Angels card. Hmmm, are you detecting a bit of a theme here?
All the sudden I go from no idea to two ideas in the pull of the card (or cards); I could either write about paying attention to themes that present themselves or I could write about asking for guidance. Then it dawned on me, "Duh, Pam…you were asking for inspiration and you were given an answer."
I don't think I was actually meant to focus on the real meaning of the cards, but the bigger message; when you are at a loss, when you are lacking direction, or answers are evading you, ask a question from your heart to whatever deity or source you look to for support (God, Buddha, your guardian angels, spirit guides, an intuitive, the Universe...) then let it go, be present and patient, and see what appears.
Sometimes the answers come instantly (like in my case today – thank you!), while other times the answers come in due time and when you least expect it. Just know and have faith that all heartfelt questions do receive answers, so ask and you will receive.
Posted by Pam at 3:03:18 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
What is Your Heart Telling You?
When it comes to the things we really want but are afraid of, we often seek the counsel of our heads. We often listen to that little voice that says things like, "You could never do that!" "Oh my, what if you fail? Or What if you succeed, then you will have to keep it up." We listen to that voice until we find reason to not move forward with the things we want. While it is not always a bad thing to listen to our heads, in doing so we sometimes neglect what is truly in our hearts. For it’s in our hearts, that’s where the good stuff resides. Our hearts hold the answers and the support we need, we just have to have faith and we just have to listen.
So I dare you to listen to your heart, what is it saying to you?
Is it telling you to be bold?
Is it telling you to love like you have never loved before?
Is it telling you that you rock and are totally amazing?
Be still and listen.
I'm almost saddened by thought of where I might be today if I had not listened to my own heart and believed in its wisdom; chances are I would still be in a marriage that was not working for either of us. I might even still be playing it safe in a career that didn't suit me, working for someone else and not following my own dreams. I may still be hiding in the shadows afraid to share my real self with the world, fearful that the real me would not be accepted.
I'm glad I have taken chances. I am glad I have listened to my heart and I am thrilled with the results. So the next time you really want something, but are afraid to take the leap, ask your heart and listen carefully to what it tells you. You won't be sorry.
Posted by Pam at 10:29:46 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)
