> July 2005

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Small Things Matter

Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever. - Margaret Cho

I think this quote really says it all. It is not about the grandiose things, but about the small and simple things that really make a difference. Being generous with your time, your heart, your ability to listen and care goes a long way. Oh, and remember, generosity to oneself is just as important so don't forget to give to yourself!

Posted by Pam at 2:38:25 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

"I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change"

That wonderful title comes from an Off-Broadway musical that I saw many years ago when I was in New York. After its 3,000th performance it is still going strong, but I assure you the topic for this blog is not a review of the play. This week’s topic is about authenticity and being who you are despite what others want and expect.

How many times have you heard, “If you would only be more <fill in the blank>" OR “I need for you to be <fill in the blank>”? Even as a child you may have heard, “Children should be seen and not heard”. Let’s not forget some of the cultural messages we receive, for example, being considered successful if you have a certain amount of money in your bank account, drive a certain car or wear particular clothes.

I remember being in a troubled long-term relationship and being told, “If you get fixed, we will be OK.” Fixed? I did not think I was broken and I hated feeling like I was not good enough when deep inside I knew that I was.

Sadly, I have to admit, I did something similar to someone I loved and cared about. While I did not imply that he needed to be fixed, I did communicate that I needed for him to be a certain way.

What an unfair thing for me to do, especially since I fell in love with him for who he was. Why ask him to change?

In part, that was the major 2x4 upside the head that made me realize that sometimes others' (including our own) expectations can be unreasonable and out of alignment with who we truly are as people. Make sense?

Square Peg Squished in a Round Hole

Not one human being on this planet is perfect… heck, we all come with a few warts. It is the warts (differences) that make us who we are as individuals; truly beautiful. So why on earth would you want to be that square peg being confined by that round hole?

When you are being asked to be something you are not, I encourage you to think about the following:

1) The change you are being asked to make, will it compromise your integrity and identity?

If so, is the situation worth losing who you are?

2) Think about your own standards and don’t let others’ standards define you. If it helps, make a list of those standards and get very clear on which ones are most important and are not worth sacrificing.

3) Most importantly, remember to always be YOURSELF and not what others wish for you to be. Who you are is amazing and if who you are is good enough for you, that is what matters.

As always, I welcome your thoughts, comments and questions. If you have something you wish to share on this topic, please feel free to do so.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:30:08 PM in Creating Change (98) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Settling

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. - Anonymous

This is such a powerful quote for me. I have been known to settle... settle because I did not wish to rock the boat, settle because I was afraid of letting someone down, settle because I wanted to make others happy.

What I have learned and contine to learn, you never have to settle or sell yourself short. In doing so, the only person you truly let down, disappoint or upset is yourself. Think about it, don't you deserve the very best? Then why settle for less?

Posted by Pam at 3:50:35 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Integrity

A man's word is his bond. If his word is not worth anything, then neither is he. - Anonymous

This quote holds special meaning, not just because I grew up with it, but because it is important to me to be a person of integrity. When I give my word, it is honest and reliable...one you can always take to the bank.

Posted by Pam at 4:53:44 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Kindness is Contagious

I awoke on Thursday, like many of us, to the news of the bombings in London and thoughts of 9-11 went racing through my head. It was all too much and frankly it left me feeling sad and extremely angry. I found myself asking where all the kindness had gone and why there was so much hatred in the world today.

What could I possibly do to infuse some kindness into the world around me? Then it hit me and I recalled the following little trinket.

Out of the Mouths of Babes…

When my son was in fourth grade (I remember this day like it was yesterday), he shared an amazing epiphany with me on the way to school, which went something like this…

A: Mom, I have a theory.
Me: What’s your theory?
A: Well, first I have a question to ask. When you see a glass partially filled with water, do you see the glass half empty or half full?
Me: I see the class half full.
A: That means you are an optimist.
Me: Yes, I am.
A: Well, let’s take that same glass and think of it in terms of kindness. For each act of kindness you do, you receive a drop of water. If you are really kind, your glass begins to over-flow.
Me: ::::sitting silent with jaw dropping to the floor:::::
A: If you are not a very kind person and you do mean things to others, you get a drop of water taken out of your glass. The more mean things you do, the less water you have until your glass is empty. If your glass is empty you have less chance of having nice things happen to you.
Me: :::still sitting in amazement::::
A: HOWEVER, if you are a really kind person and your glass is overflowing, the water from your glass will trickle into other people’s glasses, because Mom, kindness is contagious, just like a cold.
Me: Where did that come from, Sweetie?
A: My head

It Only Takes One Small Act…

..to touch, to make a difference, to share goodness. Think about it… How did you feel the last time a perfect stranger smiled at you and said, “Hello”? OR The time when a perfect stranger opened the door for you or helped you pick up something you dropped? Did that leave you with a nice feeling?

If EVERY single person made it a point to share one act of kindness EVERY day, what a wonderful place this would be. Sound simple? It is and it does make a huge difference in the lives of others and in your own.

It does not have to be a grandiose gesture or even one that takes a large amount of energy. It can be as small as the following:

1) Opening the door for someone.

2) Saying “Bless you” when someone sneezes.

3) Allowing someone to merge into traffic during rush hour.

4) Complimenting a colleague on something they have done.

5) Telling someone close to you how much they mean to you.

6) Hugging a friend out of the blue.

7) Letting someone with fewer groceries go in front of you in the checkout line.

With those ideas in mind I challenge you. Make it a point for the next four weeks to share a positive act with someone every day. At the end of every week, please post here and share some of the things you did, how it made you feel, and the results from your random acts of kindness.

You can do this, we all can – we can make a positive change, one person at a time.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:06:53 PM in Creating Change (98) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Drawing Boundaries

Throughout the course of my life I have sometimes found it really difficult to “draw a line in the sand”. I have stumbled over being clear on my boundaries and being afraid to uphold them. Oftentimes, I have felt guilty, as if I am letting someone down or opening myself up for criticism. OK, so maybe it is the fear of being seen as difficult… who knows?!

What I have found (and learning all the time), by not drawing that line, I have sometimes placed myself in the position of being walked over and taken for granted. Not only have I not done myself any favors, but a) I have enabled the development of a potentially destructive pattern and b) I have not done others any favors either. (Besides, it is not fun feeling angry and resentful.)

We’ve all been there…

…The client asking for just one more thing, while behind on a payment;
…A friend who takes and hardly gives in return;
…The family member who is constantly in a pickle and calls on you to bail them out time and time again.

Left feeling bruised and spent, is that the time when a person says, “Enough is enough?”

It’s OK to Say “No!”

When you are in difficult place, one where you may be taken advantage of, think of the following:

1)    No one deserves to be walked upon or treated as a second-class citizen. It is OK to take that stick out and draw that line if you are about to be rolled over.
2)    Be true to yourself, your integrity and what you hold near and dear in your heart. Use your gut instincts as a guiding force for upholding your boundaries or even developing new ones. (I was once told that your gut instincts are 99% right – it’s true.)
3)    Remember, you have to look yourself in the face every morning. If going against your boundaries is going to prevent you from being able to do so…the answer is simple, “draw a line”.

Just remember, while upholding your boundaries might be difficult, in the long run it will produce amazing results. You’re worth that!!

As always, if something about this entry has triggered a thought, feeling, suggestion, question or comment, please feel free to share. I welcome your contributions always.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 2:47:10 PM in Creating Change (98) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Conquering the Fear Within

I have a tendency to dream really big, thinking of all the things I wish to do, the places I wish to go and where I wish to be in future times to come. BUT and that’s a big “but”, with the excitement of developing and thinking of my dreams also comes the most gut wrenching fear imaginable… the “What if I can’t make my dreams a reality?”, “What if I fail?”, “Can I really do this?” type of fear.

Does that sound familiar?

I realize that I am not alone in feeling fears, especially when it comes to change. Everyone has fears and change can be a very scary prospect. It’s that fear of the unknown that kicks in and grabs you right in the gut. So what do you do about it? How do you move past the fear and on to the good stuff?

Time to Face the Fear

First it is important to realize that change is good, dreams are wonderful and fear is something to leverage rather than get caught up in. Fear does not have to hold you hostage and can even act as a motivator.

When fear rears its ugly head, give the following suggestions a try:

1) Write your fears down on a piece of paper. Really think and feel them through ..What do they look like? Where do they come from? Why do they scare you so much? Get it all down on paper.

2) Next to each fear, write down the worst thing that could possibly happen if that fear became a reality.

3) Then for every fear try to create a positive thought or even an affirmation that you can think or say when that fear is present.

4) Visualize the fear as an object that can’t hurt you, one that you can discard, for example, see the fear as a piece of paper that you rip to shreds. (If it helps take the piece of paper where you have written down your fears and literally rip it to pieces or even set it aflame.)

I invite you to challenge your fear and stare it square in the eye. Realize that you do not have to face fear alone. Understand and feel that you can make your dreams a reality, accept change and move forward in spite of fear. You have what it takes within you!

As always, if something about this entry has triggered a thought, feeling, suggestion, question or comment, please feel free to share. I welcome your contributions always.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:48:29 PM in Creating Change (98) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Power of Positive Thinking

Imagine being 17, you’re contemplating where you want to go with your life, trying to fit in with the cliques, do well in school and deal with the usual teenage pressures. (Bring back memories?)

Then, what seems out of nowhere you receive a trinket of advice, “Happiness is a switch in your head and you don’t have to reach for it through your rectal orifice.”

OK, how is that supposed to help and what does it mean??

Now let’s fast forward a bit….

Several years ago, I think I reached the lowest point; business was slower than molasses, my son was being bullied at school and I had the stress of trying to sell my house. I spent a lot of time crying on my dad’s shoulder. Once again, with love, that phrase reappeared on the scene…”Pam, happiness is just a switch in your head…”

Honestly, I wanted to scream…hearing that made me feel worse rather than better -- like something was wrong with me because I was not able to “flip that switch”.

I spent time digesting those words, trying to understand the very meaning. Feeling that I was already at the end of my rope, I was ready to try anything. Heck, what did I have to lose and what could thinking a few positive thoughts hurt?

It took some time and practice, believe me. There were times when I did not believe what I was saying to myself. Once I shifted my beliefs and continued to practice replacing my negative thoughts with positive ones, the more I began to act and feel positively and I’ll be darned if things did not start changing. I began to smile more, I no longer woke up with a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach, money worries dwindled, I started living my life with purpose, felt less stress, and even lost weight (which was a goal).

We all have that negative self-talk in our heads, especially when it comes to making changes. It’s natural. We also have the power within us to turn that negative self-talk around and replace it with positive beliefs, thoughts, and feelings.

Here are just a few suggestions to help get those positive thoughts and feelings flowing:

1) Draft at least three really powerful affirmations that are centered on your goals, beliefs and desires. Something that resonates with you and ignites a fire.

2) Make sure that the affirmations are written in the present tense, for example, if your goal is to lose weight, your affirmation could be “I am always able to maintain my ideal weight of <ideal weight>”.

3) Say your affirmations 10 times each right when you wake up and 30 minutes before bed.

4) When a negative feeling begins try turning that negative into a positive. For example, “I can’t do this” can be changed to “I can do this and I am a success at everything I do.” Keep repeating that positive saying until the negative feeling disappears.

Just remember, you don’t have to deal with negative thoughts and feelings alone!

If something about this entry triggered a thought, feeling, comment or question, by all means, please share it here. Together we can make a difference.

Until next time, be well…

Pam